I just realized that i have an anniversary. My book, “Ticked Off And Tickled About It,” was published one year ago today. Good thing I don’t have to quit my day job to celebrate, since I’m retired. I have to be happy that all five people who have read the book gave it a good review.

Well, I’m sitting here with my iced tea (it is really hot in Santa Fe today.) and my half-frozen chocolate chip cookie* and thinking about anniversaries other than for my book. Our 59th wedding anniversary will be in November. Both my parents and my in-laws were married over 50 years. People used to stay married that long. It’s true.

I was going to list some of the wackier anniversaries, at the end of this one-way conversation with you, but in researching, I found that the word anniversary seems to be reserved for only things like weddings and deaths. I found that there are hundreds of “Days” we celebrate, or at least could celebrate.

I’ve listed a few of the special Days below that I found on http://www.holidayinsights.com. It’s a fun site to read. There is a day for most everything, including a Day for you to name a Day
yourself. Mine can be found at the end of this blog.

Fruitcake Toss Day in January (covers my thoughts about fruitcake)
National Nothing Day in January (good for my book, “How To Do Nothin'”)
If Pets Had Thumbs Day in March ( then wouldn’t they be human?)
Rubber Eraser Day in April (must have been invented before computers)
Blah, Blah, Blah Day in April (I can relate to that)
Lumpy Rug Day in April (I’ve got to look this one up)
Ratcatcher’s Day in July (a pest control company???)
Wiggle Your toes Day in August (in other words, go to the beach?)
Moldy Cheese Day (did someone look into my refrigerator?)
AND
Drum roll here, please for the winner, which is:
NATIONAL CHOCOLATE COVERED ANYTHING DAY in December

I am naming a day National Eat A Cookie Everyday (and it is to be celebrated daily.)

* Why is her cookie “half frozen”? The answer is that I have to wrap cookies separately and freeze them so that I don’t eat the whole bag at once. I usually fully defrost them in the microwave before eating, but I thought a cold cookie would be nice on this hot day. And,
it was.

COMING NEXT: I haven’t a clue what will be next. I hope you like surprises.

How to sell a book? That is my question. I admit it’s not quite in the same realm with Shakespeare’s “To be, or not to be…,” but then, as a writer, I’m more in the rank of the king’s jester.

It’s summer and I’ve munched on my oh-so healthy oatmeal chocolate chip cookie and drank some soothing mint tea. Although the tea doesn’t seem to be making me any more mellow.

The other day, a friend, who is starting her own business out of her home, sent me her first blog. It was very well done but I hope she understands that she’s going to have find readers outside of her best friends and family. Therein lies the problem. That’s the “how to sell a…” question. Hence (very Shakespeare) my question and this blog, which will be read only by my stalwart friends.

That’s not the whole truth. My blog is read by other bloggers who are not interested in buying my books, but in trying to sell something to me. It is exciting to get emails from places like Australia and England, however.

When I decided to self-publish “How To Do Nothin’,” I began researching about what I would need to do to sell without a “real” publisher. Blog! That was the magic word along with Facebook, Twitter, and other social media. Just join. Get a website and for goodness (and sales) sake, BLOG. So I did. Then I discovered that no one had provided a magic wand that would abracadabra the appearance of readers.

The successful bloggers are those who explain how to blog. Many of those same bloggers are successful authors–of books telling how to sell books by blogging. Their readers are self-published writers.

Some writers worry that “regular” publishers are going belly up. I very much doubt that because their writers get onto shelves in bookstores and into airport gift shops. What authors need to worry about is how to get an agent. They hold the key to the kingdom of the publisher. And if you think Hamlet and Macbeth knew how to get rid of people, you aint seen nothin’ yet! Drop that manuscript into the mailbox and it comes out the other end like a trash shoot.

Self-publishing has given thousands of people the opportunity to put out a book that would never see the light of day otherwise, but it is just a shame that so many of the worthy ones may never have a shot at selling more than a few hundred books, if that. I’ve read that if you sell 200 books on your own you are way ahead of most authors. That’s hardly going to let anyone quit a regular job to become a full-time author.

Of course, there are exceptions and there have been some successful books published without the help of a “regular” publisher. Few of them are fiction.

I’m retired so I don’t need a new career, but I wish I could magically help more self-published authors get their worthy work into bookstores and places like airports I read $2.99 fiction books on Kindle and find that many of the self-published ones are as good as those by better-known authors.

Another question: Would Shakespeare need a literary agent if he was alive today?

COMING NEXT: ?? a blog to be, or maybe not to be…

I went gallery hopping this morning after my tea and chocolate chip cookie treat time. Well, actually I went strolling through some art galleries since I’m way past hopping. Anyway, it was a gorgeous day so I decided to do my walk on Canyon Road here in Santa where we have lots and lots of wonderful art.

Besides enjoying my hour of leisurely looking, I wondered how so many artists could turn out work worthy of being in a gallery and then I thought that it is amazing so many of the galleries can stay in business during this poor economy, but the majority of them seem to have hung in there.

I had an art gallery in Sherman Oaks, Brentwood Village and on Montana Avenue in the Los Angeles area (not all at the same time). This was in the 1980’s when Santa Fe and American Indian arts and crafts were all the rage. I sold jewelry, sculptures, wall art, pottery and many other beautiful things made by Native Americans. I had the business for twelve years and then there was a big earthquake and then my husband retired and then I sold my business, so we moved to Santa Fe.

I think it’s fun to find out how people’s lives have evolved. Sometimes you just end up doing something you had no intention of doing. When I was working at my husband’s advertising agency, he and his partner sold to a big firm. The wife was not part of the deal. I was out of work. At almost the same moment, I met someone socially who was selling real estate. She convinced me to give it a try. I ended up doing that for seven years until I was sick of it. I quit. Almost immediately, I saw story in the newspaper about Indian market in Santa Fe that is a huge fair-like event held every August in the Plaza. Off we went for a weekend that changed our lives.

In November of that year, we drove all over the Navajo Reservation in Arizona and visited trading posts. By the following January, I had a booth at an American Indian Show and Sale in Pasadena, California. That was the start of my business. It sort of built itself from there since I had no idea what I was doing. I named it Two Bears.

We made many visits to Santa Fe on buying trips, finally deciding that when we retired, we’d move here. Anyway, this is the long road we took to a life in this great little city where we have lived since 1995.

I met three women today in a gallery who were visiting here for the first time and when I told them that I live here, they were very envious. If you have never been here, you should make it a point to visit. I know of no one who has ever regretted seeing the country’s oldest continually occupied city.

By the way, Santa Fe is in New (new) Mexico. No USA passport needed.

You can get a great 2013 Summer Guide to Santa Fe and Northern New Mexico with the title “Bienvenidos” from The New Mexican newspaper. http://www.santafenewmexican.com

There is no COMING NEXT. I’ve had a long fun run here but I’m off to do other things.
Thanks for dropping by from time to time.

I thought of something this morning while drinking my new healthy tea and eating my more healthy chocolate chip cookie. So? you may think. She always says she thinks about something while enjoying her morning beverage and sweet. Well, the thing this morning is that I wondered if everyone “gets” what I write since so much of it is tongue in cheek and may require that you see me wink or put an elbow in your ribs.

I grew up in a family that teased and told jokes a lot. My mom was funny without really meaning to be. My godmother was a huge tease (not mean). My dad brought home jokes all the time from the place where he worked. Many were X-rated. My grandpa lived with us and he loved a good joke, too.

I’ve carried out the joking tradition to the point that when my son was in nursery school, the teacher told me that he got along very well with the other children except that his sense of humor was so sophisticated, the other kids often didn’t get it.

Humor is a really general term. All kinds of activities and moods fall under that word, but to me it is when something is funny or at least amusing. Getting to that place can involve something that might seem mean–like a person falling. See how complicated it is? It’s one thing to see someone fall when they intend to amuse and quite another when someone falls by accident. If she gets up and winks, you can feel free to laugh.

Humor usually involves exaggeration. Think about things that amuse you. Aren’t they usually over the top? My grandpa used to drop out his false teeth in front of my boyfriends. It was very embarrassing to me, but also “cracked us up.”

Humor can make you hysterical or you may just smile. The great thing about humor is that it makes us feel better. It’s not only fun to laugh; it is a healthy activity. (I’ve already done a blog about laughter being the best medicine.)

I try to use humor a lot when working with the young children in my reading program. Early on, I realized that children need to be exposed to humor as much as to any other subject that helps them live happily in this world. They do understand their own kind of humor, which sometimes baffles me. Farting, of course, is a sure hysterical moment. Someone wrote a children’s book about a farting dog. I think it made the New York Times bestseller list once. Anyway, I love hearing laughter in my classroom.

Okay, so I got a little serious today about being funny. Then how’s this for a sign off–remember the one about the three old guys in a bar who…..

COMING NEXT: On Becoming Cranky